Elen's got a couple of big events coming up - she's got a 6th grade camp coming up in a week or so - has three days at a camp at Flathead Lake with all of the 6th graders. I hope the bullies lay off, we'll have to see what happens - she's going to hang out with her gang of friends and hopefully she'll be able to handle whatever comes. She's excited about it just the same. She's also got an orchestra camp coming up mid-late July and will be practicing hard for that since she's got to get a handle on chamber music & sight reading. Still, it's very exciting stuff for her. Now to find something fun for William to do...he's such an easy-going kiddo, really - just loves to ride his bike and play outside - he's been making me smile even when things are tough - he's got a real gift there. I want him to also have a great birthday party this year as he really hasn't had the past few years. He deserves a truly special and fun day. It's been family parties the past few years, so it's time for something a little more oomph-ish! It's time.

Work's going OK - it's a job, you know? Not a passion. Now if I could just find something that pays as well or better and gives me time with the kids! THAT would be ideal!

Alrighty then...time to grab some lunch, maybe.
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It's been ages since I've been on here - something I've been wanting to do for some time. Life's changed so much since moving back to Montana and I'm thinking it's time to turn back to the spiritual in daily life - to find little ways to tap back in. There hasn't been a tremendous amount of energy and with everything that's gone on, I haven't had much to say. The bakery was the goal and sadly it didn't work, but we did it. We worked 18 hour days until there was no energy left to spend on the place much less money, so now comes the time when we try to get ourselves back. Stephane's been playing more music which is a beautiful thing to see. He's rehearsing or playing most nights and though Missoula's a garage band sort of town, it's also a town where he's getting opportunities to play more and more as people start to hear him and recognize his talent. Hey, the man wasn't in Cirque du Soleil for 11 years for nothing! The kids both have aspergers but they're fighting their battles and most of the time they win little victories. One of the hardest things for kids to do with aspergers is to make friends - largely because they're such a target for bullies. We had a talk with Elen and tried to work out what would be best for her - we took a gamble and decided to be really open with this - because people don't give chances sometimes unless they know. We told her class what she has and she instantly found understanding and acceptance and has an incredible group of friends who has had her back completely. A couple of the kids HAD picked on her when we first moved here but now are her friends. She's had two death threats since, by boys this time not the girls who HAD been picking on her, and she's seen me turn into someone she's never seen - an intensely protective mother who will raise hell to get her protected. She and I have talked about it since, she said it was really hard to hear these boys say they were going to bring a gun to school and shoot her (the other threatened to kill her but didn't go into detail as to how) and she rode that wave with dignity - more than I did, that's for sure. She continued to fixate on a variety of things but a new fixation and it happens to be one that I KNOW will help her in the end: Roller derby! She can join the Jr League when she turns 12, so this year we're going to get her officially signed up when she turns 12 and the local derby team is well aware of her, of what she wants to do. So she will be on the Hellgate Hellions team - and the best part of this is they know she is an aspie and accept her completely - they've told her that if anyone messes with her, they mess with the whole team and she visibly lifted at this. For Christmas she was given by Santa (aka Michael's girlfriend, Sarah) real derby skates, a real helmet and proper pads. She is going to be great! William is more aggressive than I've ever seen him - we're not quite sure what to do with this...so we're looking into martial arts to get some of that out and get him more active - yoga for kids to help him stretch his body - getting physical will be the best thing for him - and hopefully we can get him to stop going off on other kids - we've told him and told him and there have been consequences, etc. but one of the things with aspies is that you can tell them or teach them things ten thousand times but sometimes you have to find *the* thing that will put a stop to that behavior or make it sink in. Difficult, yes, but not impossible. They're different kids and the aspergers is showing up differently in them both - makes me proud of my kids. Me? Well, I went to work at a car dealership - was hired to sell cars but after 2 weeks was promoted to business manager, so I'm the one you sit down with and do paperwork and I'm the one who sells the warranties, oil plans, gap insurance, etc. Do I like what I do? I'm OK with it - it's not my dream job but it is a paycheck and after everything the past few years, that's quite something. I talked with Grandfather years ago and he said to train for everything, learn to do as much as you possibly can because you never know when a depression will hit (as he'd remember, he was young then, but he remembers) and you may have to do whatever you have to do to make a living - so I did - and I can do just about anything as a result. We're doing fine, but the goal has been largely to be OK but it's meant not much time for doing things for myself or to allow for spiritual things in my life - I'm slowly easing back into that. I've been working a lot with Jessica Macbeth who wrote the Faerie Oracle with Brian Froud, and doing little things here and there - feels like it's time to get the balance back. Oh yes, that is definitely what's been missing....it's been an exhausting few years - maybe a bit of balance would be just what the doctor ordered.

 I had been planning to post here a lot more lately, but no such luck!  Work's been more involved and has kept me busier than usual, so I'm trying to get some quiet time to write at least once a week or maybe a little more - I hope - as it stands right now, I'm sitting outside on the front porch with the computer on my lap watching William riding his bike.  He hasn't quite figured out yet that the one training wheel we left on as a security blankie of sorts isn't really working anymore, isn't supporting him at all, so it is, in fact, William riding his 2 wheeler by himself.  This is pride, folks! 
The sun is out and it's a gorgeous day here in river city - the river is rising rather quickly and will continue to do so with the warmth we have going now and the spring run-off.  The snow we've had this year translates to a very, very watchful time living a block from the river in question.  The Clark Fork does run through Missoula - as the movie would have it, we're all haunted by waters.  I saw some video this morning of the rivers & streams around the Flathead lake area, WOW are they high - then watching the Clark Fork today on my walk with my husband, saw some large wood bits - looked like the river had taken out a small building of some kind down the way a bit - but BIG woody bits!  Flat, like you'd use to build a shed or an out-building.  Made me want to know the story that wood would have to tell.  I wonder where it came from and who had built it originally - I wonder what will become of it - if a beaver will use it to build up their home, or if some homeless folks living on those little islands about to get washed out will save the wood and use it for something like shelter or dried out, for fire.  
I'm still hoping to tap back into the magic around me - in my home, work, life, surroundings - my KIDS - a good start today, walking around to get a little exercise, I started to notice the little things from birds and bugs to the way people act when spring is springing....more apt to smile than to scowl.  My upstairs neighbors, whose bedroom is just above my living room have decided it's a good time to shag and shag and shag and....I have no problem with shagging, have been known to do that, myself from time to time but daily and at dinner-time, well, it MUST be spring!  
The sun has done it's usual job of turning me into a red itchy raspberry, so I'm sitting in the shade with a slight breeze....it's not quite 70F and the trees are just bursting with green....the blooming trees are doing what they do, too and it's gorgeous out - dare I say it?  It's perfect.  A good day to be off work and enjoying everything that's around.  The kids are healthy, happy and silly and Stephane's doing that thing he does...usually involves a saxophone LOL  
Be well, play hard, sleep sweet & dream dangerously!  

 I had been planning to post here a lot more lately, but no such luck!  Work's been more involved and has kept me busier than usual, so I'm trying to get some quiet time to write at least once a week or maybe a little more - I hope - as it stands right now, I'm sitting outside on the front porch with the computer on my lap watching William riding his bike.  He hasn't quite figured out yet that the one training wheel we left on as a security blankie of sorts isn't really working anymore, isn't supporting him at all, so it is, in fact, William riding his 2 wheeler by himself.  This is pride, folks! 
The sun is out and it's a gorgeous day here in river city - the river is rising rather quickly and will continue to do so with the warmth we have going now and the spring run-off.  The snow we've had this year translates to a very, very watchful time living a block from the river in question.  The Clark Fork does run through Missoula - as the movie would have it, we're all haunted by waters.  I saw some video this morning of the rivers & streams around the Flathead lake area, WOW are they high - then watching the Clark Fork today on my walk with my husband, saw some large wood bits - looked like the river had taken out a small building of some kind down the way a bit - but BIG woody bits!  Flat, like you'd use to build a shed or an out-building.  Made me want to know the story that wood would have to tell.  I wonder where it came from and who had built it originally - I wonder what will become of it - if a beaver will use it to build up their home, or if some homeless folks living on those little islands about to get washed out will save the wood and use it for something like shelter or dried out, for fire.  
I'm still hoping to tap back into the magic around me - in my home, work, life, surroundings - my KIDS - a good start today, walking around to get a little exercise, I started to notice the little things from birds and bugs to the way people act when spring is springing....more apt to smile than to scowl.  My upstairs neighbors, whose bedroom is just above my living room have decided it's a good time to shag and shag and shag and....I have no problem with shagging, have been known to do that, myself from time to time but daily and at dinner-time, well, it MUST be spring!  
The sun has done it's usual job of turning me into a red itchy raspberry, so I'm sitting in the shade with a slight breeze....it's not quite 70F and the trees are just bursting with green....the blooming trees are doing what they do, too and it's gorgeous out - dare I say it?  It's perfect.  A good day to be off work and enjoying everything that's around.  The kids are healthy, happy and silly and Stephane's doing that thing he does...usually involves a saxophone LOL  
Be well, play hard, sleep sweet & dream dangerously!  

 Had a funny the other night.  Dad and his wife came to Xmas dinner and they were trying to work out how old I was - he was thinking I was still 33 or so, then someone, laughing, said, "wait, wasn't she born in Jan. of '70?" Er....insert look of extreme shock on his face.  Yes indeedie, Dad!  I'll be 40 in about 2 weeks....funny but I'm OK with it.  If my 30's were THIS much better than my 20's, I can't wait to see what my 40's bring!  
The bakery is going better - the first year or so of a business (or ok, three LOL but I'm aiming for just the one if it has to be anything) is usually tricky, I'm told, but our reputation is getting quite good and we're working our tail-feathers off.  If things keep going the way they're going we'll be able to start hiring in help soon and that means one thing:  SLEEEEEEP!!!!!  Imagine that...we can HIRE help to come in and work these insane hours!  When that day comes I am going to sleep for about 48 hours straight.  Unless the kids wake me first ;)
Yes, sleep is an issue, it's been 6 months or so of sleeping anywhere from 3-5 hours a night - less when we have big special orders going out - then to try to keep up with the kids, it's getting harder to do, so getting some help would be a beautiful thing.  The TV ad has helped and it looks as though radio helped still more, so we'll see what we can do in the next few months!  Speaking of, we're getting closer to market season and that absolutely makes my day - I LOVE the River Market and can't wait to get our booth space back and get started!  

Will try to get better about posting here!  

X

I've been pretty wrapped up in getting the bakery off the ground.  Hopefully more people will get the idea that we're open and will come in and try our wares.  So far the comments have been overwhelmingly positive which is gratifying!  I am missing the Grove and most of the people there especially the Mods - still, there's too much to do still and I'm not able to be there - really BE there - the Grove deserves far better and so, especially, do the Mods.  

So yesterday morning started out quiet.  The kids were playing and then William came in and said, "Mommy!  I need a haircut!"  I think I must have mumbled something like, "That's nice, Baboo, we'll get one maybe after Daddy gets back".  He skipped back into the other room, giggled a few times then came back in and said, "Look!  Haircut!"  

I had forgotten just how exhausting these things can be!  This was the first time I'd ever done a fair booth for my own business and it was incredible to say the very least.  The response was overwhelming.  I'd brought several goodies but everything went so fast it was almost like a whirlwind!  I'd brought strawberries, all stuffed with cheesecake and a few dipped in white chocolate while several dozen were dipped in a mix of milk and bittersweet chocolates - then I'd brought cheesecake lollipops which went first!  The cheesecake lollies were dipped in that chocolate mix above (milk and bittersweet) then others were dipped in a chocolate huckleberry with those long chocolate candy toppers on the bottom, still others were dipped in white chocolate with white candy dragees on the bottom, and last but in no way least was the chili pepper with cocoa nibs topped with edible gold pearl dust.  My assistant was ill, so Elen was my assistant for the day and did a great job!  She was a huge help and though it was REALLY slow for her much of the time, she really was excited about being there and being a help - it was, as she put it, a "Mommy and Elen" day.  William had a great time playing with our neighbor, Sonja, who was brilliant and took him out to get his face painted - he had a blast!  

You know that thing where someone you love is ill and has been for ages...has dealt with surgeries and health issues for months and even more than a year or more?  What do you do when the health care industry gives up before you are ready to give up?